So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
