and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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