either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
