I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
