i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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