Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
