My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
