I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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