I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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