I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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