even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
