very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
