The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
