it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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