ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
