also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
