i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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