Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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