I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
