You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
