Pappa wants mamma naked
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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