I want to make a zoo with you.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
