margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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