All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
