She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
