**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
