I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She bit a glass in half.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
