Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
