Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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