Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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