was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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