And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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