i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
