it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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