Ketchup is God's man juice
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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