mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
