the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
