I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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