I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
