Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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