My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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