They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How external is "for external use only"?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
