Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize