I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
