Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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