i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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