Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
