i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
