Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
