You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
