so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Pants are for mortals
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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