I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
