I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
