Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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