So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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