Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
