ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
