need another drink. this is the easiest way
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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