I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
