never play flip cup with pint glasses
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was like eating out sand paper
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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