This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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