So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
