so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
