ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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