people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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