Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sober January is a disaster.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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