i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
