he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
