wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
