i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
